Ramblings

I haven't blogged in a while and had lots to say but now that I sit down to say it, I can't think of it all. Mom quilted 2 quilts for me in September and I finally got the binding on one of them. The other will have it's binding tomorrow or the next day since I got the fabric for it yesterday. It's a pinky-purpley girly quilt that I put together over 2 years ago at the Royal Ridges retreat . Lately, Peanut's favorite thing to do is "drive" his toy cars all around the floors, the walls, on me and Mike, chasing after us and Blackjack. This Tony Stewart car from my parents for Christmas is the favorite. It used to make noises and drive itself but that freaked Peanut out so the batteries came out and after a few days of staring at it, he decided it was OK to play with. There's no stopping him now and he loves to drive Tony around.



Tonight, while Mike finished the dishes, Peanut checked out the soap lid on the dishwasher. I left to get his bath ready......and came out of the bathroom when Mike said to hurry come look and found Peanut like this.
Oh, the joys of a silly baby. Peanut is doing really well. He can say 3 things: Mama, Dada (usually very loud), and Blah ja for Blackjack. He can also scream loud enough to pierce your eardrums, which makes us wince in pain but he thinks is hilarious. He can stand for a few seconds unaided, but no attempts to really walk yet other than side stepping along the couch. In 2 short weeks, he'll be 1. It's very difficult emotionally for me to really think about yet, so I don't. Instead I think about his birthday/superbowl party that Mom and Dad and Steve and Ronda are flying in to attend. Mikes parents, grandma, and stepbrother will be here also for it. So, I'm making my lists of all the things I need to do and get before they get here and that keeps my mind off the fact my wimpy white boy is going to be 1.

Our business is doing well. Mike is getting enough jobs to usually fill of the next week and doing excellent work. Peanut and I are settling into a routine during the day and usually hanging out with Mike once he gets home. Arizona probably won't be a true home for me for a long time still, but slowly I am feeling like I really just might fit in down here so far away from my comfort zone. We're attending a baptist church that is very large, yet we keep going back for Sunday service and haven't made any real attempts to find a smaller church. I don't know the differences between the Christian denominations, but it's a good church and not really any different from the Presbyterian church I used to attend other than it's much, much larger. I'm attending a Tuesday night bible study that is studying Daniel by Beth Moore. The first session was pretty powerful and left me feeling excited and wanting to dive right in to the homework part that will be discussed next week before we go into Chapter 2. It's going to be like another school course, but it such a personal eye-opener that I don't really mind the time spent on studying my bible and working on it. I'm also going to the Wednesday morning bible study that is about the women of the bible. Peanut is in the church nursery for this one, and so far, has been loving the ladies and the 3 or 4 other kids in there with him. I now have no misgivings about leaving him with them. The love they have for taking care of him and the others is so evident that it immediately eased my anxiety and I was able to enjoy the 2 times I've gone without worrying about him. Not bad for not leaving him with anyone but my parents.

I made a couple New Year resolutions, but made them really easy so I won't forget about them in 2 months. I didn't even make eating better or more exercise part of them this year. Mine are start a journal for Peanut to have when he's grown, read my bible more, try to be more patient, clean up my potty mouth so Peanut doesn't repeat me, keep up with the housework a little more, try to become less cynical about others (or at least to keep my cynical mouth shut), and pay off a couple bills. Phew, what a list, but overall, if I'm successful, I'll become a better mom, wife, friend, sister, auntie, and daughter.

And now for the downer portion of my post....Does living away from family and close friends ever get easier? After coming back to Arizona home from Christmas in December, this has been on my mind almost every day. I know meeting other people and making new friends will help, but it's really just not the same. As I put Peanut to bed tonight, I'm struck with feelings of melancholy and the guilty question of is it fair to Peanut that we moved him away from his aunts , uncles, cousins and other non-related family? Then I remember that he'd be raised by a daycare facility if we still lived in Washington and that Mike and I would be in jobs we were burned out in and really struggled to go to each day. That was not the home life we want for him, so I try to suck it up and be grateful we have the ability to fly back and forth to see the ones we love. But the answer I came up with is No, it probably won't ever get easier, I'll probably (hopefully) just learn how to manage it better.

I'm off to do school work. I guess I found what I wanted to say and boy, it was a lot. Say a prayer that Peanut will sleep better than last night and I won't have to get up 4 times before 6am to soothe him back to sleep.

TTFN ~ Crys